you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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