Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
