Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
