When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
