Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
