Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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