Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
