I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
