Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
