random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
