let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
