hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
