sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize