Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
