I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
When are your genitals available?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
