Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
