my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
