Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
