the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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