So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
