Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
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its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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