I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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