Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
