My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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