I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
