So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
