i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
