So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
