i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
