I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
