Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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