Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
