foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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