So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
