Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Randomize
