nut hugger
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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