Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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