About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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