Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
