I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
