he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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