Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
