He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
