just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
