i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
