no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
