Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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