it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
