do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
