probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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