Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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