how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
