you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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