I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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