The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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