Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
