I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
