Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
