I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I wish life had little blips of pornography
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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