How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
