party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
