She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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