I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
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We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
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there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
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