But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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