i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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