my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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