Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
