420 ftw
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
