Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Randomize
