just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
