Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
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