I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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