I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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