I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
