just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
