So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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