i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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