There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
