my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
